9 Years Ago Today
A journey began
Avadhu, see your own Self, contemplate upon infinity
Cognize the essence with the help of reality.
Have your head shaved as per word of Guru
With the help of Brahman-knowledge, cross beyond to the other side.
— Gorakh Bodh
9 years ago today,
I bowed my head down.
I surrendered.
I became Jagajivan Das.
I became a disciple of Bhaktimarga Swami.
I had no idea what I was actually getting myself into.
The exploration that followed
nearly brought me to my demise.
I was in Edmonton, not Toronto.
I wasn’t working on my trauma properly.
In fact, I was probably adding to it.
This was years before I knew about my neurodivergence.
I didn’t really understand what it meant.
I took vows
ones that, in retrospect, were unrealistic.
I broke every one…
except gambling.
I ate meat again.
Then went back to being vegan.
I got blackout drunk.
I slept with many different people.
9 years. A lot happened.
Biked the Rocky Mountains.
Taught many people yoga.
Served those in need.
They say 9 completes the spiritual cycle.
Which I find interesting
because all these unresolved things
suddenly came up.
Making peace with the years of ISKCON
that brought me to ruin.
Letting go of the sadness of things that never came.
Despite it all, I never lost my connection.
I’ve explored this realm
from the highest mountains
to the lowest lows.
Dates don’t mean much
unless we give them meaning.
I use them to reflect.
To look back and see how far I’ve come.
Today, I celebrate.
9 years of committed service
to the life of the universe.
Of reflection.
Of exploration.
Of growth.
Even as I write this,
I’m sitting near two incredibly loving people
(who also happen to be snoring).
The journey within
brings you back to your Self.
It strips away the conditioning,
the masks,
the lies we tell ourselves.
This path leaves many more broken than when they started.
It’s not the easy route
yet the most rewarding.
Sure, I may not be a part of ISKCON anymore.
I’m definitely not what they’d call
a “pure devotee.”
But I know within myself
the essence that matters more than any label.
It’s love.
It’s light.
It’s hope.
It’s striving to be my best
and to serve others without causing harm.
It’s accepting that I’m far from perfect,
but this moment—right now—
is perfect.
Perfect for recognizing Krishna within.
The expression of pure love.
Jai Ram Krishna Hari.
Hari Om Tat Sat.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.
“The practice of yoga will not lead you to purity;
Silencing the mind will not lead you to purity;
The Guru’s instructions will not lead you to purity.
That purity is your Essence;
It’s your very own Consciousness.”
— Avadhuta Gita of Dattatreya
