Kali and the IV

Illness, honesty, and choosing care over force

As the IV went in,

the nurse offered a blunt reminder:

“You know, once you begin this,

you have an increased risk of infection.”

I already knew that.

I’d read it.

But you don’t really think about what that means.

Not until today.

Not until I felt how low my body dropped.

Fatigue.

Nausea.

That strange, off feeling

common side effects of a biologic infusion.

I was waiting to pick up dinner

a dear friend had bought me

when it hit:

Fuck.

Tattoos are a risk now.

Open skin.

Inflammation.

Healing.

That was the moment reality landed.

For the last year, I’ve been working on a Kali back tattoo

with my dear friend Shantelle.

Now I know if done thoughtfully, it can still happen,

but slowly, carefully,

timed at the right moments.

And so Kali appeared in front of me not as comfort,

but as truth.

A blunt reminder.

My focus now has to be healing.

The extremes of last year likely didn’t help.

Ego?

Attachment?

Probably both.

I’m only human.

And I know myself

I like to run from my problems sometimes.

It’s easier to disappear into the trees,

or run by the lake,

hour after hour.

Yes, I could probably still train hard.

Still run ultras.

But at what cost?

Slower healing.

Higher risk of infection.

Worse outcomes.

It doesn’t even mean I need to stop.

It means training smarter.

Focusing on strength.

Asana.

Long walks.

Balance instead of extremes.

Healing so I can thrive.

What I do have is a beautiful life.

I have my music.

My friends.

My family.

The people I hold close.

I have so many new things beginning.

So sometimes Kali Maa comes

in unexpected forms.

And maybe for now

I’ll just paint.