The way that I walk
Was never meant to conform.
The pain that is felt
Looking within oneself
What is it that traps us?
The repeating phrases:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never succeed.”
This self-doubt rots us.
Rots the experience we lead.
Ask yourself:
What has caused me to doubt myself?
Why do I compare myself to others?
Why do I place unrealistic expectations on myself—and those around me?
I often struggle with negative self-talk.
It comes from years of criticism.
From feeling unaccepted within the group.
Years of paranoia:
Do they like me?
Did I say the right thing?
I can’t believe I did that.
Trauma
Years and years of it.
Being told in school:
“You have to change.”
“You can’t be this way.”
“It’s just a phase.”
I’ve been on a long journey
One that’s spanned decades.
Trying to discover who I really am.
Reaching externally.
Mirroring others.
Never realizing
I was neurodivergent.
I was just… different.
Never the one who fit in.
What people don’t see:
Social media is illusion.
They don’t see the daily struggle.
I can’t hold standard jobs.
My sleep patterns make that nearly impossible.
Repeating the same thing daily?
It makes me spiral.
We live in a society that demands conformity.
That forces us to fight our internal truth.
To go head-on with nature itself.
That’s why our world is on fire.
We’ve lost the connection
To what we truly are.
We’ve become the technology.
Lost our voices within the machine.
Living lives based on a religion:
The mighty dollar bill.
This religion
Places profit over joy.
And has no problem flattening those who can’t conform.
It’s no different than placing blind faith in a god.
It only has the power we give it.
I’ll never conform to it.
Not because I’m a rebel.
Not because I want to stand out.
But because I can’t.
My genetics were never meant to survive in this system.
And maybe
That will be my downfall.
The system will try to swallow me whole.
Unless I shut my mouth,
And stand in line.
But I won’t.
Red Shanti
👏 👏